Finding Beauty

Massage Envy

2011-03-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am far enough into my massage classes that we are starting to massage one another in class. This means that we are starting to undress in class on a regular basis. Tonight it was abdominal massage. So here I am smack dab in the middle of my body image issues, staring them down.

There are several things going on in my head. One voice is saying, "Your body my not win any beauty contests, but it is healthy, strong, and relatively smooth. Be thankful for what you have." Another voice is saying, "Gross, no one wants to see any of what you got, let alone touch it."

So which one is winning. Since I have no choice, "the take off your big girl panties and deal with it" voice is the way I am leaning.

The thing that really gets to me is the few very thin and athletic people in the class have a rather superior attitude about their bodies and only work on each other. The thing that really pisses me off is that they eat constantly through out class and talk about food nonstop. These are the kinds of things that make you question everything. What is the point. Genetics are everything. Why am I trying to fight destiny. I don't want to believe these thoughts running through my head but it is hard not to in the face of reality.

I am learning as much about myself as I am learning about the body.

Spring Break

2011-03-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

This has been a great week. I have enjoyed being home with the kids. The weather has been so mild and balmy. Some busy days and some slow days. Good times. I even found time for a little cleaning and yard work. Not bad at all.

Yesterday we went, as a family to Fort Worth, we visited the stock yards and the science museum. We even experienced a fire drill complete with Fort Worth firemen. The kids were excited. We were all tired by the end of the day, but overall a success. Love the one day trip, so much easier than multiple day family vacations. Much better for Dylan, and to be honest, for me as well. For as we all know family trips are working vacations for Moms (and Dads too).

Spending the day out of the house with Dylan is a anxiety provoking undertaking. For example I was standing next to Dylan in a China exhibit and we were both enjoying looking at the kitchen they had set up. I began to read an interesting fact written on the wall and when I look up Dylan is gone. I run around looking for him just in time to see him disappear around the corner. I run after him and don't catch up till he has turned right down the hall and was almost to the elevator. He wanted to ride the elevator and decided to take matters into his own hand. If I had look up one second later I would not have seen which direction he had gone. And it would have been a whole different day from there. I think this example is representative enough to demonstrate why one would not want to sign up for a whole week of these situations.

Needing to write again

2011-03-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

Writing for me has always been my poor man's therapy. I have talked through so many issues on paper. I have trouble thinking in a straight line in my head. Ideas seem to blow through my head like a summer breeze. Filling it with swirling possibilities one minute and disappearing the next. If I don't capture them on paper when they show up, I am bound to lose them and find myself saying "what was that amazingly good idea that I had yesterday". So here I am in 2011, a year that is bound to bring all sorts of new ideas blowing into my head. I started massage school at the end of January. I actually did it. Just the initial step to starting down a new path is exciting to me and opening the window to my mind and letting in a fresh breeze. So although I have less time than ever, I feel the need to write. To mark the path as I go so I can see how far I have come, when I get there (where ever there is).

a href="http://beautythatmoves.typepad.com/beauty_that_moves/2011/02/i-am-ready-to-work-with-you-30-day-vegan-cleanse.html">

Another opportunity that I have snapped up is the chance to take a 30 day online class with Heather B. of the blog beauty that moves. It has been one of the two blogs that I visit daily. The name of it is 30 day vegan. Don't be fooled. I am not planning on becoming a full time vegan, but I do want to become a part-time vegetarian/vegan and am looking forward to the class that starts on March 7. So I look forward to sharing my thoughts and learning from that as well.

Winds of Change

2010-08-20T22:22:00.000-07:00

My difficult summer is about to come to an end on Monday when both of my boys will be in school full days. I hate to say it but I feel a heavy weight being lifted from my shoulders. I will be working part time with the kids in school so I will have 5 hours twice a week of me time. Most of this me time will be donated back to the family in the form of running errands or housework, but I plan to spend some of this precious time on myself and I don't feel guilty about that at all. I have spending any free time that I can scrape together making plans to use this gift of time wisely. I have several plans for the future that are simmering right now and I am truly excited about all of them.

One thing I will be doing next week is setting up visits to several local massage schools that I am interested in attending. I am very excited about setting out on this new path. It feel very right for me now. I have been thinking it over and praying about it for about 6 months and I am ready to start the process. I won't be able to start classes until next year, but I am happy to be certain of my next steps. That will also give me some time to work on my own wellness and weight loss programs. I know that in massage school you have to practice on your class mates and I would like to go in knowing that I look the best I can.

I also plan on using my days off to be active and really challenge myself physically. I can go to the gym, go for a hike, or ride my bike to run errands. The sky is the limit really. I can't wait to visit my secret getaway in the woods by Town Lake. I love my labyrinth. I need to take a picture of it to post.
I also plan to get back into my organic co-op that has a Tuesday pick-up since that is one of my days off. I am ready for all these changes bring them on.
The one change I need to make and know will make all the difference to my health goals is logging my calories everyday. I am so bad about logging breakfast and lunch and leaving the rest blank. Doesn't really help at all if you don't write everything down. This will be a struggle, but it is the cornerstone to any efforts to change my body for the better.

In Nature

2010-01-21T17:29:00.000-08:00

Today I spent the day hiking at the Heard Museum. It was such a nice and sunny day, I could not spend it indoors cleaning the house. There were birds everywhere in the woods and grasslands. I wish I knew the names of them all, but I was happy to enjoy them in nameless beauty. I took my camera with me and took some lovely pictures. I had a peaceful walk and sat and wrote in my journal. Just a perfect day.

After I picked Lulu up from school we went to feed the ducks at the park. He enjoyed this tremendously. There were mallards and a few Canadian geese. The aggressive big ducks with the ugly red eyes were not there and that was much more enjoyable. They charge you when you flash any bread at them. Lulu really enjoyed it when the ducks would chase each other fighting for the bread. He found this highly diverting. Mainly because playing chase is the height of entertainment in his book.

When Dilly got home, we worked on pedaling his bike. He did a good job. We are so close to him being able to ride by himself. Practice, practice, practice. I can hardly wait to celebrate this milestone.

The ultimate luxury - time

2009-12-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

Time is healing me. I can feel it sooth my worn out soul. The more I use the time that I have to exercise, explore, create, read, connect with others the more human I feel...the more happiness I feel.. the more joy I feel. It is a natural wellspring of joy, not forced or faked or concocted. It bubbles up from inside me and and changes how I interact with those near and dear to me. You just never know how thirsty you are till you finally get a drink.

Secret Garden

2009-12-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

Since being off of work for 3 weeks now, the thing that I am enjoying the most is the gift of time. Time to stop and follow my mental meanderings and take that internal journey through thoughts and feelings and sometimes to follow more corporal inclination to want to know what is down that street. Today I had the time to do just that. Both kids were in school today, so I decided to skip the gym and go walking at Town Lake in McKinney. There is a Rec. center right before the turn off for the lake and there were signs for a book sale. I pulled in....I had time. I looked around for a while. I did leave with one book I have been wanting for a while called 'I Love Dirt'. It is a book about activities to encourage children to interact with nature.

On the way to my car I saw that back behind the parking area was the beginning of a nature trail. I went and looked at the trail map and saw that there was a meditation garden further down the trail. I was curious. I decided to explore...I had time. I started down the trail about 50 feet only to find the path 6 inches deep in water for the next 50 feet so I had to turn back. I look at the map again and realized that there was another entrance a few feet down the road. I found the entrance and started down the path. This path had little raised bridges to go over the water. It was perfectly lovely. It only takes a little wilderness to forget that 75 central is less than 100 feet away. I walked for a little way and then jogged a little bit. There was a serpentine creek that followed the trail for most of the way. After about 15 minutes I came across the Meditation garden. It was a stone circular labyrinth. So very cool.

I decided I would give this form of Meditation a try. I started on the path and followed slowly to center all the while talking to God about the progress I have made on my goals I am currently focused on. It was very soul restoring, a spiritual exercise. The best way I can describe it is like doodling with your body so your mind is free to focus on other things. I will definitely be going back there....if I have time.

Off to the Museum

2009-11-24T02:32:00.000-08:00

I took the kids yesterday to the Museum of Science and Nature down at Fair Park yesterday. I had my Aunt and Uncle in law with me yesterday as much needed back-up. It ended up being quite and epic adventure. We left the house at 8:00 am and did not get home till almost 5:00 pm. We started out eating at the local Allen cafe for breakfast, the boys did quite well and actually ate their food in the restaurant. Usually they eat a few bites and want me to stuff the rest in my purse and pockets until they feel the urge to eat with less distractions.

We then headed out for the Dart rail and since we were going to be seeing some dinosaur bones my boys dubbed it the "Dinosaur train" (Complete with theme music). Luke took my camera and started taking pictures. He really has a good eye at 4. The trip was uneventful and enjoyable. We made our way down to Fair Park and strolled over to the Museum. The boys enjoyed all the statues and murals that are scattered around by the entrance. We went in and straight to the dinosaurs. Little boys love dinosaurs.

We played for hours in the Children's museum, it was a very hands on place for them to explore and imagine. They were fire fighters, performers, scientist, farmers, and bugs. Everyone was exhausted by the time we headed home, but in all a very successful day out.

I am back!

2009-11-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

After a fall break from blogging, I am ready to start writing again. The last three months have not been very beautiful for me overall, but even as I think about here as I write several good things have come out of a very difficult time.

I am taking several months off from work to focus on my family. The knowledge that my family needs my full attention for a while came at a price, but I think it will be well worth it in the end.
Because of the focus I have had at work they are willing to work with me and give me time off and let me come back next year part-time. This is great for our family because we can not afford to live on one income with Dilly's medical issues.
I have been reading a myriad of health and nutrition books and am ready to focus on my health and get serious about improving my level of wellness so I can better keep up with all the demands of this busy life.
I have begun the process to accept the fact that I can't handle being a full-time employee and be the mom that I need to be to my boys, the wife I want to be to my husband, and the friend that I want to be to others. I knew this was true, but somehow I thought if I worked hard enough at it I could overcome this part of me. It is time to embrace the simplicity that I crave and whittle away at the least important parts of my life and focus on the things that really matter to me.

Thrifting Treasures

2009-07-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Found a few awesome bargains on Saturday that I thought I would share. I saw a garage sale out in the side yard of the house on the corner on my way to take LuLu to gymnastics. I was eyeing the goods as I drove by and saw that there were a couple of couple of arm chairs that looked promising. I was running late to they gymnastics class or I would have stopped. It just so happens that I am looking for a good reading chair for my bedroom. We were gone for an hour and then drove back home. I had my eye out for the chairs as I drove by the garage sale again and they were both there. One was gold with nail head trim, and did not match the decor of my house. But the other chair was just right, just the right size, just the right color, and just the right price. The teenager that sold it to me also offered to drive it to my house in his truck. It really was my lucky day. When I got it home I pulled off the tag on the bottom and found that it is a Clyde Pearson chair. What really got me was the manufactures tag that lists what it is made from: Curled Hair 40%, Horse Mane 25%, Hog 75%, and Blended Cotton Felt 65% percent. Somehow the math does not add up but the chair is awesome and only cost me $20.

I also found a great tricycle at the thrift store near my house. It is a good quality bike, and the boys are always fighting over the big wheel that we currently have, so I went ahead and got it. Now they can each ride in style. I paid $8 for the tricycle, but I found a new Kettler retails for $200. That seems crazy to me, but glad to get it in such good shape second hand.

Garden Update

2009-06-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Thought I would post some pictures of my back yard perennial garden. It is huge already. My daisies are blooming and the butterfly bush is attracting many butterflies. We always have the little white butterflies flitting around. When L. was a baby he thought the little white butterfly that would visit us everyday was his personal pet.

I just put out a bag of 2000 ladybugs that I bought at Puckett's nursery yesterday to act as natural pest control.

I also put my herb garden in finally. About a month later than I usually like to plant, but the bed gets mainly eastern sun so it should survive the July heat as long as I water regularly.

Love of Learning

2009-06-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

One thing that I know about myself is that I love to learn. Interests come and go, but lately I am feeling very drawn to sewing. I've done basic sewing in the past, but it has been 15 years since I have sat behind a sewing machine. I feel this is something a need to learn. Maybe it is a longing to connect to my mother, who is gone, but I feel myself becoming more like her every day.

I have signed up for a local basic sewing class. It is one class where we make a simple tote bag, but I am really looking forward to it. This also ties in to one of my other current obsessions, fabric tote bags. I have quite a motley collection.

Angel League

2009-06-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

Another season over for the Allen Angel League. It just keep getting better. Most of the games were rained out, but the three that he went to were fun for him. He loved the attention he got from older girls. He mainly went around getting hugs from all the teenage "buddies". That is what baseball means to him.

Memorial Day in LA

2009-05-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

D. eating blueberries

Ripe blueberries

L. picking blueberries

Fun times were had by all on our weekend trip to Winnsboro, Louisiana over the holiday weekend. Viva La Three Day Weekend! The weekend was spent catching up with family, fishing, blueberry picking, riding the mule and eating (catfish, hamburgers, and fruit salad).

I was able to go jogging at a little 1/2 mile trail with a paved walkway. It is very picturesque with very tall, old pine trees, a creek that runs beside the path, a wooden bridge that leads to a cozy boy scout cabin, and a handful of squirrels and birds to look at on your way. I look forward to visiting the walking trail every time we come for a visit. I am able to get some quite time with nature and my thoughts (which is a rare thing for this working Mom) and can burn off a few of the million calories that I consume over a weekend visit.

2009-05-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

After visiting a blog with a post on party themes, you can view here. I have been thinking about how there are really two types of women in the world....those that enjoy theme parties and those that love theme parties. I feel like I enjoy a party theme as much as the next guy, but I really don't understand the need to take it and run with it, marry it, and have its children. I have seen a grown women drive to three different party stores looking for the perfect, plates, table cloth, prizes, music, center pieces, or what ever else is deemed necessary to celebrate a going away party for 5 people that lasted about 15 minutes. I will never forget the look of horror that was thrown my way when i suggested that we buy the clearance cake plates that did not match the tablecloth color scheme.

To be honest, I have to say that I am not so much bothered by the obsession of the theme lover, but more the fear that I will face judgment at the hands of said theme lover. Can't we all just get along. I do enjoy a good theme cake. Last month at my son's birthday party, who turned 4, had a pirate theme. I had pirate plates and a pirate cake. That was it. I am sure there were some who were disappointed that I did not pass out eye patches and fake hooks out to the kids, or call the food pirate booty pizza. I am two things if I am nothing: frugal and an informal party planner. I guess that is my theme.

When a good life goes bad

2009-04-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

This last week was hard and I was having a rough time finding the beauty. Although today I was able to really enjoy my family and have some one on one time with L. and B. I took my four year old son to the Green Living Expo in Plano. It was packed out. We got to ride the bus to the convention center, which L. loved. He even found some ABC gum that I had to pry out of his grubby little hand, score. We got started looking at everything right away. There are so many great business out there that are really interested in doing things in a sustainable way. I wish I had more money so I could support them all. But I do keep the handouts that I took and I can use these companies when we do need that type of service. I am especially interested in the gardening, sustainable landscape, and worm composting. I am very excited to start my own worm composting bin. I found a lady that sales them out of her warehouse. I am so there. We got a free handmade fabric shopping bag for getting our picture taken with a sign stating why we use reusable bags for shopping. L of course was being shy and looked behind him when it was time to take the picture. They probably won't be using that picture for publicity shots, but we did get to pick out the bag we wanted. It is white with navy blue material with little white fish on the handles. Very cute. Perfect for toting all our handouts inside. All the free stuff aside, L and I had a great time looking at everything. Tonight, before he went to bed he gave me a big hug and kiss and told me "your fun mommy!". Does life get any better than that. I submit that it does not.

Jogging with Butterflies

2009-04-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today I started a 5K training program called couch to 5K. On the first day, you jog a minute and then walk a minute and a half for 20 minutes. While on the jogging portion a butterfly flew by and I enjoyed watching it flutter along the trees. I expected it to flit on by, but it didn't. I continued to scamper in front of me where I could see its hints of orange among the leaves or its shadow right above me. It stayed with me for a whole block. This may sound silly, but it gave me hope and encouragement. Like God didn't want me to give up. So cool!

Lemon-Mint Window Wash

2009-03-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

I have a good recipe for glass cleaner. I love the way it smells--like spring in a bottle. I usually use a microfiber rag to clean the window with this spray. I don't like using newspaper since you end up with black hands when you are done.

Mix the following in a small spray bottle:

Juice of one lemon
2 cups water
1/2 tsp. peppermint essential oil
1 tsp cornstarch

Green Cleaning

2009-03-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

One of things that I really enjoy is making my own cleaners. I like that I know exactly what is in it and can control how I want it to smell. I will share a few of my favorite recipes:

Gorgeously Green All-Purpose Spray
From: Gorgeously Green by Sophie Uliano

32 oz spray bottle
2 cups filtered water
1/2 cup white vinegar
1 tsp. pure castile soap
3/4 cup hydrogen peroxide
20 drops tea tree oil
20 drops lavender or lemon grass essential oil

Mix all ingredients together in spray bottle. I have made a few variations on this cleaner. For the bathroom I use Borax instead of hydrogen peroxide (I don't like the smell of the peroxide). I have read that Borax should not be used on food prep surfaces so I don't use this variation in the kitchen.

One moment in time

2009-03-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

If there is one good thing about leading a crazy busy life it's the times when you can lay it all down and totally relax. Not having to think about anyone else and even more important not having to think about myself (am I a good mom, wife, sister, daughter, employee, volunteer, etc. and the guilt that goes along with this). Just enjoying the moment and letting all my senses work together for good.

I am writing this after getting hopelessly lost on my way to a Pampered Chef party in Rowlett. I decided to hang out at Lake Ray Hubbard instead since I did succeed in finding the Lake. There were many people enjoying the nice weather. I even saw three guys wind surfing, very cool.

I sit here and I can hear the gentle waves run lightly over the rocks to my right. I can feel the wind, slightly cold, blowing across my face, contrasting nicely with the sun gently warming me from above. All in all an awesome moment. No scheduling, no negative inner dialoge, no comparisons, no guilt. Just me enjoying a beautiful day.

Power of Finding Beauty

2009-03-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to believe in the power of finding beauty. I have to say that my attitude and outlook on life have improved dramatically. I knew that I had turned a corner when I was cleaning poop out of Dylan's underwear and thinking positive thoughts, not upset with him at all. I was able to sing and play with him while cleaning up. Normally I would be cursing under my breath and wondering why my life had to suck so bad. And wondering what had I ever done to deserve this! This kind of attitude always comes out at the kids no matter my intention. I feel like this is a huge step forward for me.

Holding Hands

2009-03-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

One thing that I love in life is holding hands. I still remember the night that Brian first held my hand. It was at the Terelli's on Greenville. That was a really magical night for me and the night I knew I had really fallen in love for the first time. I knew my life would never be the same. With my boys, I savor the feel of their little hands in mine every time they reach out and grab my hand. They are getting older and I never know when they might feel like have out grown "holding mama's hand".

Fighting Autism

2009-03-24T12:24:00.000-07:00

Some people will say that you can't fight autism, but that is not true. The Moms I know that have children affected by this disorder fight every day to bring out the best in their children. I met recently with two other Moms going through the same trials and doubts that I have been experiencing lately and there was so much comfort in knowing that we were not alone. It was really beautiful the way we could relate and encourage one another. It was very healing for me.

Friday Night

2008-08-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

Here it is Friday night and I had a great dinner out with Brian. We had free babysitting tonight. Dinner was wonderful at Celebrations on Lovers Lane. I really don't know of a place like it in Collin County. Maybe we should start looking.

I like the way it feels to go out to dinner without the kids and feel free for a few hours, to go slow and not worry about yelling, temper tantrums, and diapers. I think that I am a person who really enjoys conversation. The ebb and flow of conversation over a leisurely dinner is one of the great joys of life and a great way to strengthen friendships. Its almost magical. I know there have been many books that go into lovely prose about the joys of the table combined with the joys of friendship. One that comes to mind is "Under the Tuscan Sun" of course I am talking about the book not the movie. I recommend this one for anyone who has to suffer the indignity of the stay-cation. Like I did this year. This book with take you on a mental vacation to the Italian countryside with is slower pace of life and enjoyment of the moment. The author can make painting a room sound like lyrical journey into sensuous adventures rather than a mundane task.

Starting something new

2008-07-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

I am asking myself why is it so hard to start something new. I have been reading book after book on how to make your own organic lotions and cosmetics. It is very interesting to me and I am really excited about giving it a try, but something is holding me back from buying all the ingredients needed to make my first attempt. It may be money. But I think it goes deeper than that. I am reminding myself of why I started this blog in the first place. To start living and not just prepare to live. I am going to buy some beeswax tomorrow and give it a try. I will report on the results. My sister is coming into town tomorrow. She will give me kick in trousers that I require. Sister's in general are good for this.

Rise and WALK

2008-07-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

I went swimming with my dad, step mom and my two boys. It is amazing to watch little boys trying not to run when they are excited. They almost look like they are physical pain. Every time they would go from the baby pool to the big pool they wanted to run, but there were three people including the lifeguard yelling, "walk, walk, walk". Luke finally got it down but Dylan never quite got it. I made him hold my hand from pool to pool to slow him down . The one time he got away, he slipped and feel on his rump, but even that didn't slow him down. In the final analysis we didn't get kicked out so I feel confident in naming the day a success. We also went to the park at Allen station tonight and then to the library. We had some good family time and the weather was quite pleasant. The boys picked out Barney and Wiggles DVDs so they were happy.

I have decided that Luke has some acting blood in him. Today he was running in the library and tripped and fell down on his stomach, mere inches from the circulation desk. He then begins to act out a five minute death scene, complete with amplified sound effects. I do my obligatory requests for quiet, but overall I have enjoyed the performance and he knows it so he promptly ignores my request. Once he feels that he portrayed all the nuances inherent to the role he jumps up with a vibrant burst of energy and rans over to Daddy to see if he has earned a turn at "DaDa hat". *Dada hat being the name Dylan has given to ridding an Daddy's shoulders.

Making herbal gifts

2008-07-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a blast making herbal gifts for my aunt, uncle and cousin. I have been scurrying around like a happy buzzing bee putting together the perfect essential oil combinations and pouring over several books deciding on different kinds of bath salts and creams to try. I made some muscles soothing bath salts tonight. I have to say that I really enjoyed the result. I just got out of the bath (I could not in good conscience give them as a gift with first subjecting them to clinical trial) and feel very refreshed and rejuvenated. My muscles were still a little sore from my foray into yoga last week and I can tell the difference. I could do downward dog right now so help me. I also felt that the mix of oils I used also cooled off my sunburn that I got today from swimming outside.

The Journey Begins

2008-07-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

Emerson said, "We are always getting ready to live, but never really living." I have to confess that this is true of me. I am am starting this blog partly as an attempt to move from getting ready to live to really living. I guess the first thing that needs to happen is defining what it means to really live. I am sure a few people have thought about that in the past, but what does that matter. I need to define this for myself.

First, I will attempt to define myself as in my current state. I am thirty something, happily (most of the time) married for the past eight years. I am currently a stay at home mom. I have two boys that are three and five. My five year old is on the autism spectrum and constantly challenges any ideas of maturity and wisdom that I ever had about myself. But life is all about growth and improvement. Right?

I have struggled with my weight since birth, and this is one of the areas that I really fall into the getting ready to live trap. Thoughts like, "I will buy nice clothes when I am a size __ or I will be more outgoing when I look like ___". I am sure I am not the only one to feel this way, but it is a good way to miss out on life. I am trying to focus on getting to a healthy and comfortable weight while I have more time (since I am not working outside the home right now). I am currently doing water aerobics and trying other things like yoga and pilates. I took my first yoga class last Thursday and the backs of my legs are still sore, but I have to say that I loved the class even though I couldn't do all the poses yet.

I am the type of person that has a wide interest in just about everything. But right now my main topics are herbs, organic living, living a more eco-friendly, non-toxic life, and thinking about what I want to do when I grow up. The more I read about these topics the more I want to know and the more I want to change how I have been living.